Roar! This is not fated to be a usual post. Commence!
As you know, if you read, I have suffered from disordered eating for a long time. While I am immensely better, and mostly in recovery I still struggle with ‘junk food’. I also have a hard time eating when I’m not hungry- which is unfortunately somewhat necessary to gain weight…as I should be doing. What with work, and the other work and life it is very easy for me to get caught up in the whirlwind and scrape by on not enough food. It is even more problematic that I’m a huge stickler for exercise, I will NOT let myself skip. That is something I am trying my gosh darn hardest to work on.
Why am I talking about this? Thanks for asking- I’ll tell you. Recently I’ve actually been having positive feelings about my body and almost a bit proud (gasp). I was really starting to convince myself to loosen up on my diet, and also to be lazy every now and then! That, I believe is the main reason I was so affected/taken off guard by someones comment to me today. I was minding my own business, coming back after a long but good day- my neighbor called me over to snap a few pictures for her and while I was small-talking she mentioned that I looked like I lost a lot of weight and was too thin. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that she was coming from a good place and was genuinely concerned…but that didn’t make it any easier to swallow. I clearly am not OVERweight, nor even really at an average one, but just this morning I was happy about the muscle tone I’ve developed and now I hear that I look gaunt? I’m bummed!
My head is all a buzz with trying to decide if I really do look thinner. What the heck. If so- why is she the only one that’s told me?! So many people know of my past, and I would think a good deal of them would confront me about it before now. Meh? Time will tell I guess…looks like I better get on board the dessert train.