Hi Friends- The past week, or really month has found me stuck in the middle of being really comfortable with how things are unfolding and freaking out about what things are going to end up as. On one hand there’s the fact that I have a job I like, I’m getting more lax on my eating habits (in a good way), I’ve discovered and finally come to terms with the fact that dating goes best when not trying to force things or give myself a timeline. However; I do have another hand that looks similar to the devil on my shoulder. It likes to point out that this job I have barely pays the bills, I’m terrified of what eating so much is going to do and that if I take it too far I won’t be able to get myself in check ever again. Even though I’m trying hard not to set check-points for myself in the dating department, I still want the same things– kids, a family etc. Yes I know I’m “young” and shouldn’t worry about that stuff yet, but I don’t really care. If you wanted to be promoted in your job by the age of 25 and you were about to turn 27 still stuck in the same place would you be okay with that even though your career still has many years to go? My main fear is that I’m going to have a hard time actually having kids. I haven’t had a period in over 6 years and don’t know what that will mean when the time comes to start trying to conceive. Getting pregnant at 30 is not the same thing as starting to try and get pregnant at 30 only to find out you can’t, going through IVF or adoption for another few years and having your first kid at 35. 😦
I’d also like to, eventually, have an idea of where my career is actually going. What am I doing? Will I ever be able to buy Christmas presents or go out to dinner without having to plan weeks ahead of time to be able to fit it into my budget? When I want to buy someone a birthday present or bake them a cake, will I always have to leave off a few items from my own grocery list to get the ingredients for theirs?
Do other people my age think of these things? How are other people so laissez-faire about money? Why does it seem that people just as qualified as I am are making double my salary, are married and don’t even want kids? Was I a terrible person in my past life that was a millionaire philanderer?
WHAT IS LIFEM