Slow curve

Any of you reading this that are around my age and remember The Lizzie McGuire movie…slow curve. That’s not the context I mean it in this particular scenario, but any Disney memory is a good one, right?

Onto the point!

If you’ve known me for any period of time, read a lot of my posts, or are psychic, you’ll know all about my past with food and exercise. Precarious to say the least. For years I’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zone in a variety of ways in hopes I could overcome my brain on my own. Unsurprisingly, my brain is very stubborn and somewhat impossible to escape so it hasn’t been a smooth process. I’ve had many setbacks, bad days, breakdowns, and hit so many walls it’s amazing I still belong to the 3-dimensional world. Finally, after fighting for so long (as in about 6 years) I have felt the internal shift. It’s like I’ve been on a railroad track passing the switch over and over again, but always ending up going the same direction- until now. I finally got that stupid track to go the other way. I haven’t quite 100% made the turn, but at least the wheels are pointed in the right direction. Side note: I know nothing about trains and this analogy is making me feel cool.

Real life: A few months ago I randomly decided I wanted to start training for a point kickboxing tournament. Since then I’ve sparred a few times, and that goal might be a smidge farther away than I was anticipating…but it’s still a goal. As always, once I had the idea in my head, I was all in. I started researching weight classes, training schedules, watching fights, blahblahblah. In the back of my mind though I knew there was no way I’d ever get good enough at the sport to be anywhere near ready to compete without fueling my body correctly. Eating at a deficit is my norm, which is bad. I don’t so much do it on purpose anymore, it’s just how much I eat and what my body is used to functioning on. I added two training sessions a week to my routine at first, eventually ending up doing two workouts a day (sometimes more) at least 6, maybe 7 days a week. I got hungry. Being me, I obviously ran the numbers to figure out what calorie range I should be aiming for and came up with some stuff I knew I could eat on a regular basis to get up there (or at least above what I was doing before). That was weeks ago…I’m still hungry, but instead of ignoring it I’m throwing down food left and right. Really, don’t leave your things unattended. By the looks of it, I’ve finally stirred my deathly slow metabolism! I can actually eat food you guys and it’s glorious. I think my body temperature is even almost that of a human! The only negatives I’ve seen is that I sweat way too much now and my grocery bill is higher. I can give blood without having to lie about how much I weigh, I can exercise without getting completely drained, and I can gain muscle (in theory)! I’m now going to boxing 3 days a week, jiu jitsu two days, fake running 2-3 days, swimming once or twice, rucking 2-3 times and riding occasionally. When not doing those or working you can find me shoving food into my face. Don’t go overboard though; I’m still training for a bunch of stuff that I want to eat well for. Me eating a lot doesn’t mean I’m all of a sudden going to grab some deep fried butter at the fair this year.

So if you see me eating something, and the next time you see me i’m eating something…don’t worry about it. I’m just finishing up that slow curve.

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About Erin Goes Blah- I rant forever

Ever heard of Erin Go Brah? The horse obviously, not the saying! I'm him, in human form but slightly less successful and well known. Perhaps you've also heard of a man named William Shakespeare? In "A mid-summer nights dream" he says, "though she be but little, she is fierce" in reference to Hermia...I have a little bit of that in my mix too. I'm a 26-year-old big kid with occasional adult tendencies just trying to figure out my place in life. Chronically single and exhausted I am the keeper of two jobs and three pets. With approximately 2 hours of free time per day, ​I tend to use it relaxing- leading to much musings and wonderment. I plan on using this blog to reach out to others, and to my inner conscience to better understand my odd habits and talk myself out of them. I hope to bring attention to those in eating disorder recovery, by being open about my hardships and hurdles. I'm weird, silly and looking for someone to share the love with :)
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