New year, new you? No. Over the course of a year, sure you’ll probably change. Between today and tomorrow though? I doubt it. Many of you will set aspirations (that are impossible to achieve), and that’s great. Working to get better is always a positive thing…but instead of waiting to do it on January first why don’t you just start whenever you think of them? 2017 was not a good year for me. It started with me, and the rest of my family, still dealing with the loss of my uncle. Less than a month later we were all dealing with another cancer diagnosis with my mom. The first half of the year had me really questioning things and trying desperately to figure life out. I wanted to be supportive and positive, but often times wanted to crawl into my bed and have someone take it all away. Having nobody to lean on really made me want to put myself out there in the dating world once again- so I did. I was so set on meeting someone that I put up with a lot more than I should from people I dated. It was the most active dating summer I’ve had since college. I learned a lot about people, myself included. A lot of the stuff I wish I wouldn’t have ever had the chance to learn, but moving forward I’m more aware of what is acceptable in a relationship and what isn’t. Wanting a partner shouldn’t give someone the upper hand over you. Nobody has the right to degrade you, push you around, make you settle or hurt you. So after a few months of life lessons, I had given up my search in the hopes that if I stopped looking then someone would find me organically.
December gave me more bad news and for a few weeks, I was convinced I would never be able to find what I’ve been looking for since I was 8. I leave 2017 stronger than I entered it but no closer to my dream. I hope 2018 brings me less pain and more pleasure, but if it doesn’t then I’m prepared to deal with it in stride.
So 2018 might be a new year, but the last 365 days are what have made you a new you not the goals you’re setting for yourself at midnight.
PS thanks to everyone that did help me this year in any aspect you could. You’re all amazing and I couldn’t write really bad blog posts without you ❤