Save yourself

About a year and a half ago my older sister, Shannon, asked if I would run a half marathon with her in March of 2016. It seemed like a good challenge, and at that point was months away so I agreed. As it got closer and I started to run more often I was nervous of how terrible the experience was going to be. I’ve never been a runner, or an athlete or any kind for that matter. I maybe went on weekly runs of 4-6 miles that were a mix of running and walking. The majority of my “training” included things I already did on a regular basis (boxing, hiking, riding, walks). The morning of the race I still had yet to really push myself to even run a full 5k without stopping. The starting line was packed full of elite runners, DJ tents, volunteers, people warming up, family and friends there for support and people peeing on the sidelines because the lines for the bathroom are incredible. As everyone packed together like sardines for the countdown people chat, wish others good luck, swap encouraging words and offer advice to those that want it. There has yet to be a race I’ve done that I’ve met a rude or negative runner. People will talk to you, ease your mind, share experiences without a blink- at packet pickup, in line for the bathroom, at the start line, at the finish line, during the race…

During my first race I was slow. I’m still slow. Running with a thousand people does something to you though, it pushes you to your limits, makes you forget about anything but moving forward. It’s the best escape from life I’ve been able to channel besides reading. I love hiking in the woods to get away from people, but I’m still able to mull things over in my head and think about what’s bothering me. Not during a race. I think about running, I think about the pain, the drive, the need to succeed. Since that first race I’ve now completed 4 others, and each one continues to amaze me. I’ve seen some of the same people at all of them, to the point where we can recognize each other on course and wave or exchange “good job!”‘s. I see someone inspiring at every mile; whether it’s an Ainsley’s angels runner, a senior runner, a deaf runner or the person that has pushed too far and walks through an injury for the last mile of a race, refusing to stop. People help each other, sacrifice themselves, and rally together. People on the sidelines stand in their driveway with cups of coffee as they come out to get their papers and shout for you. As the world is slowly caving in on itself, it’s incredible to experience the high of running with such a positive group of people. Through the grimaces, the sweat, blood, tears and pain- everyone smiles. I’ve not seen one person cross the finish line in a bad mood. People stand and cheer for others they’ve never met coming down the straightaway and over the chip reader.

If you aren’t a runner, I’m sure this is true for many sports. People ask me often why I do it, what the draw is for me. It’s everything. Does it hurt? yes. Is it hard? yes. Is it worth it? yes. I will never be good, fast or have to be paced by a bike, but I’ll keep going until I can’t..and even then I’ll probably go for a little longer.

So many people are at a loss, stuck in their own heads and searching for an outlet. I recommend hitting the road, but not in a car. Hike, walk, run…do something that tests your limits and puts you smack in the middle of a situation you have to fight to get out of. Do something that makes you feel good, supports others and gives you a sense of self-worth. Don’t sit at home, complaining about the world. If you want to be saved, don’t wait for someone else to do it.

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I’m not dead yet

I haven’t posted in a long time. I’d say sorry, but I doubt anyone is really on the edge of their seats for these entries.

 

Here’s what I’ve been up to in a nutshell.

-unplugging more. I found myself in an unfortunate cycle of tv shows, so about a month or two ago I decided I was going to read at night instead. I haven’t missed any important news and I can relax at night before trying to go to sleep much better. This hasn’t really helped me sleep more, but it does help me feel less busy.

-planning my trip. I leave two weeks from Tuesday!

-exercising. I’ve been in active training mode for the triple crown since February and the last race is 6 days away. I’m nervous, excited and ready for it to be done with. I don’t know if it was a smart decision to attempt all three in such a short period of time, but I don’t have much restraint when it comes to challenging myself. I’ve also started to go to more boxing classes because once I finish the triple I want to focus more on fight prep. I probably won’t actually train for a real fight, but I’d like to go through the process and decide that once I reach that level.

-working. We’re way short staffed so I’ve been putting in a lot of hours, trying to get massage certified and add in fitness classes on the weekends. It’s a blast, but it’s tiring and kind of isolating.

-Dating. I’ve been going on real life dates! That’s probably the biggest reason I haven’t posted anything in a while because I don’t want to jinx myself or write about someone that isn’t anything to write about yet.

So I just wanted to let you know I’m still alive, just trying to live in real time instead of in a blog. Hopefully, at some point, I’ll have something to write about that’s worth sharing 🙂

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Brain drops

I’ve had trouble with over-exercising for years. I started thinking about what the initial (and long term) attraction to working out for me involves and came up with these

 

  • It has tangible goals- If I want to be able to lift more weight, run longer, run faster, punch harder etc I can work towards it and see improvements along the way. There’s no denying the fact if I go up in weight or have a faster time- to me or anyone else.
  • It’s something I have control over- The amount of work I put in is directly correlated with results. I decide
  • If people leave me hanging or abandon me midway, it doesn’t matter- Similar to previous. No matter who joins in, if they bail on me then there’s no effect on my progress. I can workout alone, which is most often what I end up doing.
  • It’s an accepted stress reliever- people don’t question it if you say you’re going to workout because you had a hard day.
  • It’s cheap- outside is free
  • You can do it everywhere – no matter if I’m on a trip, stuck at home or in the woods
  • There’s no known body limitation that applies to everyone- What I can do is not the same thing anyone else can do. There’s no limit to what I can work towards..it’s a forever puzzle.
  • If I’m sore/in pain from working out I don’t notice that I’m sore/in pain every day anyway – self-explanatory. I hurt a lot and if I drown it out with other pain it’s a brain trick.
  • It makes me feel strong- the more progress I make, the stronger I feel. I might not actually be very strong, but oh well. The better I feel physically, the more I can take mentally
  • It makes others think I’m strong- People see me working hard, putting in time and effort. They see results and weight additions…they think I’m a strong person.
  • I can stop thinking for a while- It blanks out my mind. I can ignore my stress thoughts, money worry, to-do lists and everything else that is forever on repeat
  • The variations are endless – exercise is exercise. There are so many different ways to accomplish it and I want to try as many as possible.
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Shambles

I wrote the title of this post, then realized I don’t really know what it’s from…please hold while I research. Well now I don’t think I’ll really be using that word very often because it is derived from the term for where animals used to be slaughtered and progressed to just describe a scene of carnage or disorder.

Anyways….I am not in a good place. I don’t really feel like I can write about it yet, but would really like to. Just know that if you plan on talking to me in the near future I will probably cry. Deal with it or go away- please don’t go away though because I’m sad

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Speak

Hello! Again, it’s been a few weeks. I’m trying this new thing called focusing on myself and acting on life instead of just writing about it. There are many things from 2016 and before that really get on my nerves on a daily basis but since me complaining about them on a blog isn’t going to help, I’m trying to do something about them in real life. Alas, this doesn’t really seem to be working. As hard as I may try, I can’t make people stop complaining about what their lives lack, how unfair things are etc…all while doing nothing to try a remedy the situation. I’m tired of people always blaming everyone else when things go wrong, whether that’s in a personal, professional or public setting. People have different opinions, they do things differently, but for the most part are all trying to achieve similar goals. If someone at work is on your nerves, then stop talking to that person. I’ve come to the point where I’m well aware a lot of people that work with me have absolutely no faith that my work is worth crap. Let them think that, I’ll focus on the people and animals I deal with on a regular basis that

I’m trying this new thing called focusing on myself and acting on life instead of just writing about it. There are many things from 2016 and before that really get on my nerves on a daily basis but since me complaining about them on a blog isn’t going to help, I’m trying to do something about them in real life. Alas, this doesn’t really seem to be working. As hard as I may try, I can’t make people stop complaining about what their lives lack, how unfair things are etc…all while doing nothing to try a remedy the situation. I’m tired of people always blaming everyone else when things go wrong, whether that’s in a personal, professional or public setting. People have different opinions, they do things differently, but for the most part are all trying to achieve similar goals. If someone at work is on your nerves, then stop talking to that person. I’ve come to the point where I’m well aware a lot of people that work with me have absolutely no faith that my work is worth crap. Let them think that, I’ll focus on the people and animals I deal with on a regular basis that benefit from our techniques. There’s no such thing as all people from a certain place being good or bad, and bashing bordering cities with will get you absolutely nowhere in life besides on the bad side of people that live there. So far 2017 has been mostly about people voicing their opinions, fighting for what they believe in, and standing up for themselves. All of these things are great- but it doesn’t mean you can just go around with diarrhea of the mouth, blurting out unnecessary critiques.

Do you remember the adage “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? That’s stupid, but if you don’t have anything that will make a difference then keep it to yourself. Speak your mind on the important matters, but stop whining about a job that you can easily quit, stop moping about exercising and find something you like to do. Don’t complain about other people at work messing up behind their back without trying to fix the problem.

Go to school, to work. outside, to the gym. Go to bed early or late..wake up when you want. Have kids, don’t have kids… make your own decisions, but don’t fault others for not choosing the same ones.

 

 

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Daily Prompt: Year

via Daily Prompt: Year

I haven’t posted in a while. Not because I was super busy with anything particularly exciting, but because I wasn’t in a very optimistic blogging place and I didn’t want to write yet another “woe is me” story. Instead, I tried to change how I reacted to things going on in my life.

Two days after Thanksgiving my Uncle passed- which I think was a big contributor to my melancholy holiday status. I felt a lot of guilt for not going up while he was in hospice care soon enough, for not going up enough in general and allowing our family ties to fall to the wayside. We were very similar in personality- perhaps because middle children born in June all have a certain something about them. Seeing the immense amount of people come to his wake, though, made me incredibly sad. Here was a man that was loved by basically every person he came in contact with. Not liked, not tolerated..loved. A constant stream of people lined up for over 3 hours to come remember him and it was a big wake-up call for me. First, to stop taking my family for granted and second, to put more effort into the everyday relationships I have in my life. If my husband died far too early to conceive, I don’t want to have only spent 10 years with him or have our children miss their Dad during middle school dances and their first dates.

So I went up to NY the first week in December, and when I got back I tried to focus my energy on the present. I think a lot about the future, and thus far have had such tunnel vision that I apparently forgot that a certain present is needed to achieve the future I want. I’ve agreed to go on dates that I don’t really want to go on, just in case there’s an in-person chemistry I can’t pick up online. Did any of these dates work out? No. But I agreed. I watched people I’ve gone on dates with (either multiple or single) in the past celebrate the holidays with their new relationships and wondered what it was about them that was different from me. I watched couples sit together during Christmas and the trust, love and ease they felt around each other.

In 2017 I aim to continue on this path of building myself a present. Of course I still want to have a future with someone, but nobody can live up to that if they aren’t in my life now. There are things I won’t settle on, but there are definitely things I can be more lax about.

Cheers!

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Public Plea

I feel like I post in circles. I have the same issues going round and round in my head and no end in sight to any of them. It’s annoying to me, and probably super annoying to read about. The harder I try to put myself out there and date, the worse my experiences are. I don’t really have any other option ,though.I can’t just stop going on dates and fall back into a cave of loneliness. I cannot comprehend how people are so nonchalant about relationships, sex and dating in general. The fact that I’m looking for something to evolve into something serious seems to baffle guys minds like I’m some kind of strange alien that they’ve never encountered before and I make absolutely no sense. Then when I do make plans to go on a date with someone and he just completely falls off the earth or continually cancel, I don’t know what to do. There’s a line between being flexible and understand and being a totally desperate pushover- but where is it? My standards might be specific, but I don’t think they’re exactly high. I want someone that wants similar things in the future as I do, that I can see myself having fun with by going hiking or being active together. Someone that wants a family, likes animals and has goals for their career. I don’t want someone to treat me like a princess or a porcelain doll, but rather as someone that complements them. Body type, race, religion, height, hair color etc are all things that I obviously have preferences for but not things that I would consider to be deal breakers. Somebody reading this, please tell me what I’m doing wrong. Do I just need to settle for someone that can’t spell or form sentences? Someone that I have nothing in common with and just wants to date me to have a woman to boss around?

In other news, I’m very conflicted in my brain about riding. I want to so badly, though the plans got a little derailed when I got bad family news that will take a lot of my thoughts over the next few months. I’ll never get rid of pony fever, but I’ve also now gotten hooked on boxing and running. I want to continue to progress at the gym, and I want to do a minimum of three half-marathons this year. I also don’t exactly have the money to fork out on a lease. What to do…

 

Anyway- as it is likely the last day in many months that I will be able to walk outside without turning purple I’m going to go enjoy a nearby trail for a few hours.

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